Ok like who am I kidding? I say all those bullshit about my crush and I think most of you know I don't mean a thing I said! Yi Ling, you really made me think seyh... Hahas! Thanks! LoL!

I guess the truth has to be revealed...To my close friends such as Diyana and Aiha... Sorry if I actually lied to you guys about this... I'm just too embarassed to tell the truth... Well here's the truth!

I think that every single rude stuffs he says in school are actually funny coz most of the time, I think of the same shit in my mind, just that I don't say them out loud... So in other words, I don't see the rudeness in him that I'm trying to see what my friends see in him all the time!

And if you guys think I insulted him too much in a freakin' post, think again. I have never insulted him since the day I found out I like him more than a year ago until the day I found out that it's useless for me to keep on hoping for him!

And when I say he doesn't have the looks, you can ask me how many people have said that I'm blind coz I keep on defending him and saying that he actually looks the best among the other guys! And people keep on saying I have bad taste, but I doubt that.

And when I say he's not clever, obviously I don't mean it. If you read my past posts, I keep on mentioning that I have faith in his studies and I will always pray that he'll succeed academically! And you can ask him yourself how many good luck wishes I gave him all this while! He must have lost count!

And the most obvious thing is... I still talk about him! I still blog about him! And I promised not to do that anymore after my heart was broken the other day! It's so obvious that my feelings are still there... Only that my hopes are gone and I'm trapped in fear instead. I don't want to lose him but I know I have to let him go very very soon... It's NOT just a crush... A simple dumb crush would be between me and Ali. I see him once and I suddenly smiled to myself, but after I go home, I don't give a shit about his existence! For this crush of mine, for your information, he's on my mind for like ALL THE TIME! -.-...

Now the truth has been revealed. Happy now to see how weak I am? Happy? Haiz... I'm just crestfallen right now... I don't dare to love anymore... I take it as though it is all over... But my heart is reluctant to let go of this strong feeling... Only God knows what I feel since last Friday until today... But the Prelims and 'O' Levels are coming and I won't allow this to affect my life emotionally... I don't want to be the emokid that I was 2 years back... I hate that person whom I used to be! All I do is cry and regret for everything that has passed by! I just can't get on with life! I know there are much more things out there in this world that can make me happy at this moment... For him, I'll just leave it to God to decide my fate... I'll always pray for him and if he's happy with his own choice, I'll be happy for him too... If we are fated, I'll thank God for it and will really treasure it... If we're not meant to be, I can accept the fate because I believe that every thing that happens in this world is for the best and is decided by God... And I can't oppose God's decision... I'll try my best to accept the fate. Happy now? Hahas! So you see, I don't hate him and I still feel devastated whenever I listen to "Teardrops On My Guitar"... Hahas! I used to hate him, but that was all in the past when I didn't know who he really was...